Om Shanti Om

Directed by: Farah Khan

Starring: Shahrukh Khan, Deepika Padukone, Arjun Rampal, Kirron Kher, Shreyas Talpade

Released: 2007

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

While I do not hold Farah Khan in high esteem as a director, she did something remarkable and created a film which has been terribly important in my personal Bollywood journey, and so enjoyable that it easily ranks in my top ten Indian films. Om Shanti Om is like a gigantic puzzle box. There is truly everything you may ask for in a film – puppy love, eternal love, slapstick humour, subtle humour, tragedy, action, memorable dialogues, great soundtrack.... and when it all comes together it just clicks and works wonders. Nothing speaks more in favour of the film that even though it is stuffed to the broom with film-references and making good-natured fun of the style of Indian filmmaking, it has become my number one choice of recommendation whenever Bollywood beginners ask me to show them a film. They know nothing about Bollywood, yet all of them like Om Shanti Om with all the quirks and in spite of not understanding any of the underlying jokes (and having no idea who that bunch of people randomly appearing in Deewangi Deewangi are).

Shahrukh Khan is allowed to over-play his already dramatic antics and as a result we get two delightfully different, yet both completely over the top heroes: Om Kapoor the goofy, star-struck movie fan, who lives only for his dream of becoming a star and gaining love of the gorgeous Shantipriya, the dream girl of the silver screen; and Om Kapoor the spoilt brat and arrogant actor who takes everything for granted. They only really become one and the same person as they near their destiny – the goofy bubble-gum 70s Om finds his doom in flames, that also shockingly take away Shantipriya, the irritable 00s Om upon realizing that he has unfinished business from his previous life. His over-dramatic acting is spot on and exactly what the film needs. And Dard-E-Disco is the greatest item song Bollywood has produced and you cannot tell me otherwise, capturing both the fun and ridiculousness item songs stand for.

I could not but oogle over Deepika Padukone (and her stunning, stunning wardrobe throughout the film), who, though dubbed, gave a very confident and good debut performance. Her expressions and eyes speak a language of their own, even if the voice is not hers. She is glamorous and perfect as Shanti. The whole supporting cast is apt and excellent, Arjun Rampal giving you the necessary creeps, Kirron Kher both amusing you and breaking your heart as typical filmi Maa, Shreyas Talpade with his adorable and undying support to Om´s dreams. Not to mention all the array of stars and superstars who agreed to do a cameo. The whole Filmfare awards bit was utterly hilarious also thanks to impeccable comic timing of Abhishek Bachchan and Akshay Kumar. And how heartening it was to see Rishi Kapoor and Subhash Ghai, who “opened” the whole film, fighting over a microphone? That is one of those golden moment that make Om Shanti Om so endearing.

THIS

IS

NOT

OK (did I mention I am pyrophobic?)

The film is visually opulent, nothing short of Bhansali level of opulence actually. The aesthetics of it appealed to me greatly as they stem from my beloved Art Noveau, which gives for example the green-rooms corridor almost a fairy-tale look. Another wonderful thing are all the beautiful painting by Alfons Mucha on the walls. The songs are skillfully choreographed and also magnificent, from romantic randez-vous in a film studio for Mein Agar Kahoon, to fabulously theatrical Dastaan, clearly inspired by the big masquerade scene from the Phantom of the Opera. And they are all beautiful. Except for Dar-E-Disco which is not beautiful, but totally fab in its own right as mentioned above. The lyrics “Now I am a wanderer, and a lover of disco, as I wander around London, Paris, New York, L.A., San Francisco!” are a true gem.

Do...

you......

.....hear his heart breaking?

As you can already tell, I adore this film. I dare to go as far as to compare Om Shanti Om with another Bollywood extravaganza – Amar Akbar Anthony – even though the latter is without doubt on a whole another level of iconic. The right mix of stuff that ranks from touching to pretty much crazy, with logic loopholes that one couldn´t care for any less, since it is simply all just too much fun. It is a well known fact that Om Shanti Om is an unofficial remake of Karz, which in turn was a remake of Madhumati, all films dealing with the themes of revenge “from beyond the grave”, with reincarnation being the turning point. It is also remarkable that unlike another set of remakes (based on the trope of separated twin siblings), all these films are memorable and great. Farah Khan simply took the story and filled every scene with potshots on almost every aspect of Hindi films. However these are all taken with much love and never even border on insulting. Om Shanti Om is both a parody of Bollywood and at the same time appreciates most of what makes it distinct and special.

Bombay Velvet

Directed by: Anurag Kashyap

Starring: Ranbir Kapoor, Anushka Sharma, Karan Johar

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It was supposed to be larger than life movie, the new triumph for Ranbir Kapoor. It was supposed to wow the masses and gather laurels from the critics, and Anurag Kashyap was supposed to be basking in tsunami of appreciation. It was not to be though and Bombay Velvet, boasting of unheard-of amount of money poured into it, took leave of the cinemas way too soon for any profit. What went wrong? How come all the heralded opulence failed to attract the crowds? Perhaps the lengthy story telling was partly to blame, but truth to be told, this is another of those famous flops which I personally was intrigued to watch.

Bombay Velvet is sure interesting. Different. It takes the outline of some of the popular tropes, but then strips them of their basics. And so the main protagonist Johnny Balraj (Ranbir Kapoor) is one of those ill-treated children from the streets, rising to opportunity through the wrong means, but unlike so many heroes before him he does not have an ailing Maa and nobody raped his behen, nor a dead Petaji to avenge. Indeed, there is no excuse for his damnation-worthy lack of values, which teach us that it is better to starve than to get involved in any dishonest deal. Johnny could not care less. He wants to be a “Big Shot”. He is ruthless, but not completely without conscience, and what he does best is really to look after himself. Perhaps that is the source of conflict that has arisen in the viewers´ minds? The hero is actually no hero. His desires are common and average, and Johnny actually does not act out of ordinary in any way. I mean, sure, he sometimes kills a person or two, but given his “job” and circumstances, isn´t this how most people would behave. Johnny does not even have any super quality. He does not outsmart the smart ones, he does not break tables by punching twenty villains at the same time. To me Johnny Balraj was really just a simple crook with dreams that were not even that big. Just give him some dirty izzat, some money, the girl he loves and he´ll be just fine.

Ranbir Kapoor as Johnny is quite brilliant, as usual, changing in front of the camera yet again, as easily as chameleon changes colours. There is not a single moment when you wouldn´t think of him as the character, his body language, his intonation, everything is on point. Performances are strong overal – for the first time I was truly impressed by Anushka Sharma. Once I decided to ignore her infamous lips, I was drawn to her silent force. Indeed, her eyes did all the talking for most of the film. But she too is atypical heroine. Far from virginal, far from lamenting her fate, she does not expect a hero to rescue her from her plight, and once she actually finds a guy who genuinely loves her, she throws any previous obligations out of the window. And she has very few regrets. Sadly her re-introduction as Rita is one of the most bewildering and puzzling decisions one could think of, marring the logic of the movie.

The surprise package of the movie has to be Karan Johar. Previously known on the big screen as “the nerdy friend from DDLJ” he cuts a very decent villain, in spite of his feeble voice, there is nothing cartoonish about his. He generates enough threatening feelings for the film to run smoothly ahead. The one walking away with the short stick is Raveena Tandon, who appears without reasons during two of the songs, all covered in peacock feathers. Lots has been promised as far as the sets, costumes and visuals go, and while everything seems appropriate, fitting, I never had the larger than life feeling which I get when watching anything Bhansali. In fact most of Anushka´s outfits seemed in bad need of fixing, some looked simply cheap. I actually had to wonder where all the money went...

When Bombay Velvet promos first appeared, people kept blasting them, saying Ranbir is merely hoping for his own Agneepath. Bombay Velvet is nothing like Agneepath or any other film in that vein. There is no redemption, no justification. For all the megalomanic claims it remains a touching, interesting, but believable story about normal people on the darker side of the society.

Mr. and Mrs. 55

Directed by: Guru Dutt

Starring: Guru Dutt, Madhubala, Lalita Pawar, Johnny Walker

Released: 1955

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

What to do when your daddy has left you millions but only on condition of marrying within a month? Why not hire a poor, honest man to marry, and divorce after a while, with millions secured? Especially since divorce bill has finally passed? But what if your perfect plan does not include possibility of falling in love with your victim? Mr. and Mrs. 55 promises, at first, to be simply loveable, but though it does not lack good moments, performances and humour, it is one of those film of the past that are simply problematic today. For where to draw a line for „acceptable“ amount of traditional sexism?

But let´s focus on good thing first. There is something tragically attractive and beautiful about Guru Dutt, about his whole persona. The moment he appears on screen and stares at Madhubala who has seemingly fallen down from the skies, I am lost. I don´t think even Shahrukh Khan with his intent gazing can surpass him in „looking at a woman as if she was the most beautiful thing walking on the Earth. And while this time I did not experience the familiar tingling around the heart (a feeling I get when seeing Guru with Waheeda Rehman), the lead pair in the film is both likeable and talented. Madhubala induces her character with innocence and obstinacy, decorated with delightful comic timing, while her counter-part is more subdued (and quite himself in a role of poor, mistreated-by-society artist). Johnny Lever and Kum Kum are not as over the top as usual, and Johnny actually acts as as pivotal character. Furthermore his little romance is quite amusing, and in contrast to the drama between the two leads. Or at least neither Johnny not his lady love feel the need to discuss who should be superior in the relationship.

What an utterly delightful film this might have been, had it not, as already mentioned, been so damn old-fahioned-ly sexist. I understand that it was released in the 50s, but that does not change the fact that the more it progresses the more it grates on my feminist nerves. And the worst part? It is not the man to have a a fiery, passionate speech about women´s duties and izzat, it is the heroine. Do not take me wrong. In many ways Anita (Madhubala) is a character who does things her way, even if she starts of as childish. However the complete disregard of women being unfairly treated by society annoys me. Anita´s greedy aunt (who makes sure to pinpoint she learned about „freedom“ from women of America and Europe aka continents of hoes where men need to be pitied) is exactly the type of a „feminist“ who gives feminism the bad name with her misandry, and who does not regard another woman´s own choice of way of life as right and normal. Which, ironically, is actual feminism.

At the same time we have the saintly bhabhi (who has somehow managed to have three school-going children in just four years into marriage) who believes that even when her husband beats her occasionally it´s really all just marital happiness. Urgh. Maybe the mean aunty was not wrong about everything.

Badlapur

Directed by: Shriram Raghavan

Starring: Varun Dhawan, Nawazuddin Sidiqui, Huma Qureshi, Yami Gautam, Divya Dutta

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

A bloody revenge movie is a tricky thing. You need a lot of strong points. Reason for revenge. Believable acting. Arevenge which leaves you with a feeling of gratification or at least understanding for the hero. And most importantly a sense of compassion for the avenger. Not all real-life situations, during which a man (or a woman) takes law and revenge into their own hands are like that, but in the film world should, at least in my view. Badlapur does have believable acting, it has a powerful trigger to start off, unfortunately the compassion is missing entirely.

Varun Dhawan shakes off the cute image he has had by embracing a character much darker than Aamir Khan from Ghajini or Shahid Kapoor from Haider. Starting off as a tragedy-stricken young man he turns into an avatar which is more repulsive and awful than the villains who took the life of his family in the first place. Acting-wise he nearly pulls it off. As a character Raghu is possibly the worst lead protagonist I can think of. Repeatedly raping a completely innocent woman, threatening another one with the same, only to murder her in cold blood and most horrifying manner cannot be excused or put down to any inner pain or turmoil. Not even the popular "eye for an eye" theory fits, since the lovely Yami Gautam and her child were killed pretty much by unwanted accident. One has to wonder what kind of person Raghu is, if he is capable of such things as rape and abuse of trust. No matter how loveable he seems to be in the flashbacks, Raghu remains terrifying and disgusting. Perhaps more character development could have done the trick and show his personality alternate, but instead the makers decided to simply jump ahead 15 years (during which nobody but Nawazuddin Sidiqui seems to have aged). Furthermore the movie ends on a very anti-climactic note, with no justice served to anyone at all, not even greedy bribe-mongering police officer.

Performances on the whole are all good, but none outstanding. I cannot help but to compare Badlapur with last year´s Ek Villain, which starred Varun´s debut co-star Siddhart the Visually-perfect. While Siddhart has shown less ease in his acting, Shraddha Kapoor was not as half as natural as Yami and the film lacked logic, it still managed to make me cry and feel for the characters. Badlapur made me sick. No wonder, when the rape-victim announces to the her rapist and a murderer that of all the people involved in this messy story he is the one who has been given the second chance.

In conclusion from technical point of view there is nothing too wrong with the film, except perhaps the way the script looses pace and becomes boring as soon as, ironically, Raghu finally confronts his wife´s killer outside the jail walls. Some ends feel loose. Perhaps more soulful and more strategically used music (again like in Ek Villain) could have done make things better. For all its worth though I cannot recommend watching Badlapur to anyone. Not to people like me for all the reasons stated above. Not to lovers of thrillers because there is not enough thrill to justify other things. Not to fans of psychological movies because no development is shown in anyone.

Hawaizaada

Directed by: Vibhu Puri

Starring: Ayushman Khuranna, Pallavi Sharda, Mithun Chakraborthy

Released: 2015

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Loosely based on the life and alleged achievements of Shivkar Talpade, who is sometimes credited as a maker of the first unmanned plane, which he supposedly constructed with the help of Vedic texts as leads for proportions and materials, Hawaizaada is a product with an ambition to be part Lagaan, part Bollywood extravaganza. I would have enjoyed the film a lot more if it didn´t feel like a huge Saawariya hangover. Mind you, Saawariya is to me a gem of a film, one of my most favourite movies ever. But here the inspiration with Bhansali style of making films is so rampant it actually out-Bhansalies the Bhansali. The one thing missing though is the mystery, atmosphere and deep feeling of it all. Cinematography is stunning and details poetic and wonderful, yet the picturesque beauty lacks soul.

Not only the fairytale-like, colour-harmonized sets larger than life feel familiar. Ayushman Khuranna as Shivy feels familiar too. As if "Raj" from Saawariya just stepped into another story with a different face. They are both young, carefree, optimistic and playing instruments, not worrying of where they are to sleep tonight or what tomorrow will bring. They both fall for a girl who is beautiful in a second, and she becomes their obsession. Where Ranbir was believable in the role, Ayushman does not strike the chord. Perhaps my knowledge of his previous movies interfered too much with the innocence shown here, and so I was simply not convinced, even less so during his weeping scenes. As the film progresses, Ayushman´s over the top act gets actually really annoying. The exumberant, forced smiles, the constant shaking of the head and stubbornly repeated sentimental lines – Shivy with his head of artificial curls has nothing on Ranbir´s Raj. Pallavi Shardha is a girl who I think is destined to be lost to Bollywood viewers soon, simply because she just has hardly any screen presence. Unless luck smiles upon her, I don´t think she will stick around for long as a lead actress.

Then there is of course Mithun Chakraborthy, a man grossly underrated because once upon a time 80s happened to him. I cannot say a bad word about him, and if there is any failing with his character of Shastry, just pin it on the screenplay please.

Clearly, the film was meant to boost some patriotism, being after all set at the time of British dominance over India. And so you can be sure there are petty English officers (awful actors) speaking awful Hindi - even among themselves, and some big patriotic speeches and mottos. I like patriotism, just in films it sometimes gets too much. Hawaizaada does overstep the line, more dramatically as it goes on. Furthermore: I am not keen on technical aspects of building planes, but the movie made it look as easy as nailing few boards together. It takes one particularly harmless bomb to set free and flee with a prisoner right from a courtroom, and the British only find out hours (days?) later. Well, no wonder, since they also apparently have no idea where to look for the guy, even though he lives on a big-ass ship that keeps the lights on and is clearly inhabited.

Better, tighter screenplay and more emphasis on the conflict between love for a girl and dedication to a teacher and friend could have made Hawaizaada a very good film in spite of the blatant ripping off of Saawariya. As it is, it does not deserve more than an average rating.  

Second half of 2014 overview

The second half of 2014 was full of changes for me on personal front. I finished university, got thrown into the whirlwind of looking for a job, and then finally finding it as well as finding out I got diabetes. Naturally with a change of lifestyle and schedule I have not been able to keep up with Bollywood (or other things) as much as I would have liked to, and so the films I have watched were fewer. As you may have noticed also by lack of activity on this blog. The following are the ones I still managed to see:

Entertainment

Directed by: Sajid-Farhad

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Sonu Sood, Prakash Raj, Tamanna Bhatia, Johnny Lever, Mithun Chakraborthy

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

This could have been a truly great family entertainer, had it not been for too many hurt crotches, a useless (and awful) song about being forced to drink and perhaps too much not-funny violence near the end. Also, the amount of film-references is like a tsunami which almost makes you choke for air. Akshay, Sonu Sood, Prakash Raj, Johnny Lever - all are effortlessly funny in this over the top comedy, in which the over-the-topness is fine since you have never been expected to take it seriously. Unlike another film of the similar sentiment - Humshakals - it remains watchable throughout, and that a dog might inherit a business empire is still more logical than that a potion can change your DNA and turn you into a dog. And while Tamanna (who was meant for better things in life) has a very small and basic role, the picture is not insulting women (still comparing with Humashakals). Entertainment is a stupid name for a dog, or for a film for that matter. If you are a big Akshay Kumar fan, you might enjoy parts of it. Like the scene in which Akshay interacts with a bunch of different dogs in the jungle. "Hey, Germand Sheperd! Has you father ever been to Germany?!"

Singham Returns

Directed by: Rohit Shetty

Starring: Ajay Devgn, Kareena Kapoor, Amol Gupte

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing – experience

Bajirao Singham is possibly my favourite action masalla hero, but I would have been happier if he had not returned, as the sequel is no patch on the first film. It is much less focused, and there is no engaging storyline, at times it actually felt as if Rohit Shetty just shot for two different films and then he glued parts together. Inconsistent and eventually boring, Singham 2 gets easily short of breath. The character of Bajirao and its portrayal by Ajay Devgn are still as awesome, but the script was really weak, with no meat at all. It doesn´t help that the villain is more comical than scary, and hence there is no tension between Singham and his enemy – which was exactly what made the first film interesting. Finally Kajal Agarwal has been disposed off (her character of Singham´s wife is never even mentioned – here´s to disposal of actresses, right?) and replaced by Kareena Kapoor, who manages to be annoying as hell. This was really not a role for her. Anyone would have been annoying in it, but she was an utter miscast, even if only because she has done the loud-mouthed energetic girl so many times before – and better. No, Singham should not have returned.

Following the release of the testosteron-overalod three “women oriented” films burst onto the cinema screens. After a fairly awesome Mardaani and less awesome and overpraised Mary Kom, Bipasha Basu fell into deeper chasms of “plz stahp” with yet another horror.

Creature

Directed by: Vikram Bhatt

Starring: Bipasha Basu

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

It is 2014 and yet films like this are being made. Even before the opening titles start you would have already encountered the “creature” and thus taken away the element of surprise and wondering. Then you are thrown into a very basic bunch of people who are as cartoonish as one could imagine. Within twenty minutes you know the reason which makes the “creature” behave the way it is. Why should you even bother watching any more? You should not. And I only went on so I could convince you to spare yourselves. The film boasted of the use of special computer effects, however the creature looks weird, for the lack of better word, and never manages to create an illusion of actually existing. Dialogues are poor, logic took a holiday. People in horror films are generally of low IQ, but yeh log deserved the Darwin Award (“You go find a bullet and I will keep the empty gun so both of us have no weapon!”). Intimate relationships are created within a day, there are stuffed artificial panthers being hunted down, and police distributes heavy weapons among the civilians just like that. Sometimes the creature can smash down the door without problems, other times it is too big of a problem. Sometimes it outruns a speeding car, few minutes later it cannot catch up with two people running. The closer the film gets to the climax, the more boring it becomes. Most importantly there is hardly any story. The plot is simple – a mythical demon kills in the woods so let´s go and kill it. That is it really. If I wanted two hours of shooting and running I would watch the Olympics or something. Performances are wooden and basic, and it seems to me that the lack of good scripts is slowly but surely reducing Bipasha Basu to certain irrelevance. On one hand I am glad she does not depend on big names and labels to do a film, on the other hand she should really think her projects through. Films like Players, Aatma and now Creature do her more harm than good. Which is really sad because I think she is a fairly good actress. BTW nobody had to die if they just brought a flamethrower with them.

Sadly for Bollywood Bipasha is not the only performer who is running short of breath and keeps doing bad films.

Raja Natwarlal

Directed by: Kunal Deshmukh

Starring: Emraan Hashmi, Paresh Rawal, Deepak Tijori, Kay Kay Manon

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Emraan Hashmi remains the poor man´s Anil Kapoor, dressed in shirts which are obviously too tight for him. And everyone acts better includuing shot-20-minutes-in Deepak Tijori, criminally underused Paresh Rawal and not at all sexy though she tries soooooo hard newcomer Humaima (then again she has little to work with besides swirling her skirts around a night club to the playback of unremarkable songs). A film about a conman can be both funny or dramatic, but in any case it should be clever. Raja Natwarlal offers neither wit nor brain-stretch. The plot is as thin as a wet paper and everything too easy for everyone. How did the villain know who stole his money? He just did. How did the police find out about Raja and his group? They just did. Everyone knows everything to the point you really wonder why is there any conflict at all. Boring, nonsensical and stale movie. Instead of blood this avenger should sip milk.

I took some delight in Finding Fannyand was genuinely pleased with Daawat-E-Ishq (review coming eventually), and then after Deepika and Parineeti it was Sonam´s turn in trying to charm me.

Khoobsurat

Directed by: Shashanka

Starring: Sonam Kapoor, Fawad Khan, Ratna Pathak Shah, Kirron Kher

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Average entertainment with some bad songs, which just might fit your mood for something light, or it might make you angry with how terribly basic it is. There is absolutely nothing new or fresh neither about the story or Sonam Kapoor in the role of whacky, cutesy, "modern" girl. Impossibly handsome and suave Fawad Khan thus takes the cake as a show-stealer, being very natural and charming. But to give Sonam some credit, she does well with her own limited abilities, and does not annoy. Furthermore she is simply beautiful to look at, no argument there. What a pity these two beautiful people share no chemistry whatsoever. The whole film looks and feels like cotton candy, fortunatelly all the gloss and sweetness lets some nice moments to reach out to the viewer. If I definitely liked something was the fact how Mili managed to make everyone in the royal family realize their lack of communication. That was a lesson few more families, filmi and real, should take.

Bang Bang (review coming eventually), Haider, Happy New Year (review coming eventually) – those were the big releases of the autumn days. I loved none, though Bang Bang entertained me, Haider made an impression and Happy New Year... just happened to be honest. The year ended on a high with PK, but before we could get to it, there was still some suffering in the store.

The Shaukeens

Directed by: Abhishek Sharma

Starring: Anupam Kher, Annu Kapoor, Piyush Sharma, Lisa Haydon, Akshay Kumar

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible– bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Just when I thought Yaariyan and Humshakals were the sleaziest films of the year, The Shaukeens came and gave those two a tough fight for the spot. Three sex-starved over 60 perverts on the hunt for physical pleasures, oogling over each girl they meet (correction: each girl that fits the standard model type). Their behavior is not really even desperate, it is downright disturbing. There is nothing even remotely funny about situations created for them, and I was left severely repulsed by what I saw. Second half of the movie I have only skimmed through, unable to bear any more. Lisa Haydon crowns the awfulness of the film with her performance, which, I am sorry to say, is simply pathetic. Awful, vulgar, and everyone involved in making it should be ashamed.

Happy Endings

Director: Raj and D.K.

Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Ileana D´Cruz, Ranvir Shorey, Kalki Koechlin, Govinda

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever– flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

Either Bollywood romantic comedies are loosing breath or Saif Ali Khan is. I think I´d put my money on the latter. The careless player of a lover has been Saif´s most successful domain in the past ten years, but he truly has grown out of the image, but apparently have not noticed. I believe his last successful film of this kind was Cocktail, and that one I do not hesitate to ascribe to Deepika, who shouldered the whole thing. The film gets better in the second half, with Ileana being just lovely, but sharing no chemistry with Saif. The blink and miss cameos by Preity and Kareena showed me Preity in a much better light than her comeback film, and those few minutes of Kareena reminded me that I have missed her on screen (Singham 2 does not count). The film has no plot, no drive and no push, even though there are some cute moments. However, are we not all tired of pathetic middle-age men with commitment-phobia? They have become a trope, and not an endearing one. The film passes by like a breeze on highway ride, without much to be noticed. It is definitely not a cinema piece, felt more appropriate for a DVD watch.

I turned off “Ungli” - another boring Emraan Hashmi film – 20 minutes in, and I refused to watch Action Jackson. And so that really was 2014 Bollywood for me. Maybe one day I will find courage to watch more?

Mann

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala, Anil Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore

Released: 1999

My rating: destroy every copy – horrible – bad – whatever – flawed but enjoyable - good – great – amazing

I sincerely, honestly believe that the ONLY thing that ever made indra Kumar´s films work was Madhuri Dixit. Apart from Dil, which I consider a good film, even if flawed, Beta and Raja were only bearable because of her awesomeness and talent, and everything after that I have seen of his work just plain sucks. Mann is no different.

I write poetry in my spare time. Love me.

There is so much wrong with the plot! A severely mopy Sati Savitri Manisha falls in love with a cheater and a liar because he loves his grandmom. Because him being able to appreciate the old lady equals, in Manisha´s eyes, to being a good person. In fact, the character played by Aamir Khan is repulsive, unlikeable asshole and womanizer, who enjoys being creepy. The lengths he goes to while „wooing“ women would get him a restraining order in real life. Yet she falls in love with him, is jealous of girls he pays attention to, even though she has rejected him before. By the time the movie reached the interval I was ripping my hair out of frustration and sheer disbelief. Then the asshole-ish hero turns good and full of izzat overnight. How am I supposed to buy that?

"What the..."

"Do I turn you on?"

"Totally!"

In the second half of the film we are served a completely different story. That of selfless love and that you should look around before crossing the road. Manisha´s face is all swollen throughout and her glycerin-tears-stained cheeks can only be equaled by Jaya Bachchan´s from Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Ghum. Because our heroine lost both her legs! From extreme „hilarity“ the movie sinks into extreme depression, and everything is so theatrical you just wonder what has the director do to make all these good actors act so terribly. 

So hot.

I was irked by so many things in the story, but the greatest outrage was perhaps when Manisha admits to the headmistress of the orphanage (where she had grown up) that she doesn´t want to marry the cheerful and genuinely nice Anil Kapoor (whom I did not expect in the least to show up), because she loves the womanizing stalker. She is then lectured on how she has no right whatsoever to follow her heart and be actually honest with her fiancé, because, you know, there is a chance he just might turn into a lunatic and go crazy because of that. And also: certainly, if she dares to refuse him, nobody will ever marry a girl from an orphanage again. Like WTF.

"Was my moustache not pervy enough for you, biatch?"

Aamir Khan is at his annoying worst (I think I read he regretted doing the film? It would definitely make sense.) Manisha looks disturbingly ill, I had to wonder whether she had some issues with her health off screen. Comedy has never been her forte, and her tragedy is too overdone in this. Anil Kapoor comes and goes, with the only sane character to play, but being himself more than anything. Sharmila Tagore cast as Aamir Khan´s grandmother felt so wrong! The fabulous actress, who was in her fifties at the time, is unrecognizable under a deck up of at least 80 year old woman, who appears very briefly only to pile on some more depression by dying in the second half.

"I am a Cinderella waiting for a Prince."

"But when he brings a shoe he won´t recognize you since you have no legs now."

"You lil shit!"

Logic has never really had place in Indra Kumar´s universe, while annoying over the top comedy thrived. Mann, which also stole a song or two from vintage European hits (here is one and here is another) is a confused movie trying to go from comedy into a tragic romance, much like Dil, but comedy is lame and tragic romance frustrating. The first half, made up of every wrong cliché, made me uncomfortable, the second half with its mopier than mopy ridiculousness made me roll my eyes till they almost stuck on the other part of my head.

"Good luck and break a leg, like you broke my heart."

(note on captions: Sorry for lame jokes. I don´t  mind Anil´s stache. The Cinderella comment was indeed made in the film. Except the ending. Of course.)